The Collar is a Keeper

Who would have thought that a little piece of plastic could make a difference. I had never given it much thought to be honest.  I had dabbled with the dog collar in the past, particularly during the “high”, or as they are more colloquially known “Holy” days.

It was on this most recent Good Friday that my suspicion was sparked. I had just wrapped up our Good Friday “Service of the Senses” and was on the road, rushing to join my extended family for dinner. I had stopped at a highway Enroute (truck stop) to pick up some donuts as my contribution. Seriously, the fact that so many extended family celebrations fall on the busiest seasons for pastors, makes any attempt at preparing a superb souffle or cheesecake from scratch, futile. But I digress.

It wasn’t soon after I walked through the heavy glass doors of the rest station, that I noticed people looking at me. Some staring at me, until my eyes caught their gaze and they awkwardly looked away. I then realized, oh yeah I still have my collar on.

That was the moment I began to wonder, what difference does this little piece of plastic make? Clearly people were taking notice but was it in a positive or negative way? And either way, so what?

As I continued to ruminate on the purpose of the plastic, I realized that if wearing it accomplished nothing else, it seemed to affect me. The clerical collar offered me another layer of accountability, making me more conscious of my conduct. My heavy foot seemed to miraculously lighten up when I wore it, my smiles were more ready (a collar without a smile is counter-productive), my attitude more gracious. It seemed this wee white piece of plastic was encouraging me to be more Christ like.

So in that moment I made the decision to give this collar prominence in my wardrobe. 30 days of wearing the collar every day, every where (except on my Sabbath). 30 days to see if it truly had any measurable affect on me or impact on others. The following are just some of the thoughts, opinions, comments and observations I gathered from my social/spiritual experiment.

As I began to pursue this exploration of priestly plastic I had some personal concerns. I was concerned that I might not be able to handle the weight that this little piece of plastic carried. I worried that I might mess up, and do or say something, which rightly or wrongly would reflect negatively on our church, my ministry, the general reputation of ministers and the church as a whole and most importantly serve as a poor reflection of the God I love. I say stupid things without thinking more than I care to admit. Did I really want to draw any added attention or risk the added scrutiny? Apparently I was willing to do just that. Hoping the potential benefits would out weigh the risks. Believing that Christ would continue to use imperfect me, as He always has, for His Glory and His purposes, sometimes in spite of me.

I was honestly nervous in some settings. Nervous of being judged for the cumulative sins of the church and it’s leadership. Worried about facing the negative stereotypes and preconceived notions sometimes held towards clergy and the church. It really left me uncomfortable. Oh how uncomfortable I was at times.

There were a few times where it seemed I could sense people’s aversion to having this symbol of faith in their vicinity, interrupting the flow of their lives by my presence. Whether the collar conjured up within them feelings of disdain, guilt or fear I do not know but it was palpable.

Then I was concerned with whether my colleagues and friends might think I was trying to elevate myself above them and/or others? Would it be perceived as a means of self promotion or to gain some sort of pseudo respect? Honestly that was never a factor. Perhaps there was a time when the clergy collar was a status symbol of sorts, but going into it, I really thought those days were behind us.

I say thought, because contrary to my initial hypothesis, the general public still does seem to maintain a certain level of respect for the vocation the collar identifies, as evidenced by the unsolicited responses of those below.

Many people stopped me in the grocery store, coffee shops, Blue Jays game, and on the street, to ask me questions, make a comment or engage in conversation. My favourite was a gentleman in Loblaws who got my attention simply to ask  “what do I call you? What I mean is, in the Catholic Church I would say Father or Priest. How do I greet you?” With a smile I said “hello works”. He chuckled and I added, “pastor is typical or just call me Cathleen.”

I rarely go into the bank, maybe twice in the last 5 years. This second time, I was wearing my collar. The teller asked if I was in the ministry, to which I replied “I am”. She mentioned, you don’t often see ministers in collars, especially women. I explained to her this was new for me as well. She responded (after indicating she does not attend church)…”I think it is good, you should keep wearing it. If I was in trouble, I would go to you before anyone else in that line.”

I received similar unsolicited responses from many people. Whether it was neighbours, strangers, congregants or colleagues the response was typically a mix of curiosity and positivity.

I stopped at our local coffee shop, to get pastries for a meeting. As I was paying, the cashier suggested to the young girl behind me, who’s coffee and donut I had also insisted I pay for “that it was the power of the collar.” Truth be told, once I learned that this young lady comes in every morning before school for a croissant, and I had just bought the last of them, I felt it only fair I make it up to her. But was that me or the power of wearing the clerical collar as the cashier suggested? I am confident the source of this power was the prompting of the Holy Spirit.

There were some who knew me pre-plastic, who said that I now seemed to give off a different vibe/aura. “You seem to carry yourself differently” they said. Others added that the collar in some mystical way provided them with another layer of respect. Like these comments from a young adult (who for context, when I first met her, professed to be an atheist, was not raised in the church and is now a born again, baptized believer) – “The collar does make a difference.” I followed up the next day to ask if she could explain more what she meant by that comment. This was her response “It’s not that I don’t respect you normally, because obviously I do, but when your wearing it I respect you more… Or rather I see you in a more professional manner… It is just a tangible reminder of the church and Christianity and your role, and I like it. Also though because it was not the black and white terrifying outfit that pastors wear.” They added “It’s just hard cause I was brought up in a generation that was taught to really not like the church and especially pastors. So if I had of seen you in full on black and white I would have ran away as fast as possible (and to be honest it still freaks me out to see the black and white) but neutral colours with the collar are actually very inviting”

Similarly to this, a nurse at the hospital commented on how she had never seen a minister wearing anything but black with a white collar and added how she much preferred the pink pastor’s shirt and collar I had on.

Then there was the congregant, a middle aged male who stopped me on my way out of the church and remarked, “I am glad you made the decision to wear the collar.” Again I followed up with him the next day and asked if He could expand on those thoughts. This is what he shared “I really appreciated your explanation about making your role as a pastor more visible. It takes courage to do so, and allows people the option of approaching you to talk about God. That alone is reason enough to wear the collar in my mind. Additionally, I guess I am a bit more of a traditionalist than I ever imagined. The collar does set you apart. Not in the sense of elevating you above others, but it sets you apart, as pastors ought to be. I think it is James 3 that talks about teachers receiving a different kind of judgment. A pastor’s role is to be a shepherd, and the sheep should be able to readily identify the shepherds in their midst. As an important bonus, you indicated that wearing the collar gives you some added accountability.”

A doctor friend of mine commented when I stopped in to visit her “You’re wearing a collar,  I like it. She added “I like it because it struck me as “yes, this is who you are–own it. Also, it reminded me of my dad. When I was little I thought it looked like a giant band-aid and would call it that. I think I thought he hurt his neck or something. Anyways, it reminded me of that too.” So for her and perhaps for others there seems to be a welcomed sense of familirity and/or nostalgia.

Our church neighbour commented “I thought you looked great with your blue shirt and collar. It identifies who you are.”

My two favourite moments from this experiment were very different but equally rewarding.  In the first moment, I found myself randomly wondering, what if there is a young girl who attends a church where women are not allowed to be pastors, who happens to see me wearing my collar and thinks “hey, maybe I CAN be a pastor” I dismissed the thought as a stretch. Only to be sitting in a Micah Group pastors gathering the next day and hear my colleague sharing her experience growing up in a church where women were not allowed to lead in any capacity, not usher or on the board, only children;s Sunday School (as equally important as any church leadership – if not arguably more so). It wasn’t until she attended an Anglican church that she saw a female minister and realized, yes this is possible, yes this is what God is calling me to. All of sudden my random thought had power and gave my plastic more purpose.

I really did feel through this experience that being a woman wearing the collar opened up more opportunities than it might for a man. In part because there was a natural curiosity. Secondly I wonder if there is a greater sense of comfort. That being said I also wonder if there were some who would not engage me at all, at least from a ministry stand point because I was a woman, in a collar. I still have questions.

My most rewarding encounter was at McDonalds. I had taken a couple of young people from our church and neighbourhood there to enjoy the Play Place and sundaes. Sitting a couple tables down was a man and his adult son (whose daughter was having fun in the play structure). His dad asked if I was a minister. I responded yes. Then with great gusto and a wee bit of sarcasm he said “Good! my son needs saving.” I smiled and explained I don’t have the power to save anyone, that’s not really how it works. From there the 3 of us had easy conversation over the course of an hour, about God, the message of truth, the Gospel of my Salvation, of how Christ rescued and the Holy Spirit continues to redeem me, and about the Church. We said our goodbyes but not without the dad first asking for information about our church. They left with my number and an invitation to join us any time.

I appreciate that wearing the collar makes me available, invites people to engage me if they so choose, when they are ready. Even when no one approaches me, it feels as though, the simple presence of the collar serves as a reminder, a gentle nudge, a planting of a seed. I’ve come to see it as a tool in the hands of the Holy Spirit. That is used to do a good work, both in and through me.

Finally, I wouldn’t want to forget to mention that our Bishop commented, “I like your clerical.” So with that, I have decided the collar is a keeper. Not simply due to that, but the combined experiences of these past 30 days. Which have shown me in a variety of ways that the collar serves a purpose. For me to now not wear it, would feel as though I’m hiding a light under a bushel.

So my conclusion is a confirmation of my original suspicion. In the words of my friend, it’s who I am and I’m owning it. I am keenly aware that the weight and responsibility of wearing the collar is a heavy one, that should not be taken lightly. More than this, collar or no collar, I serve in light of the fact that I will stand before God and give an account. I do not take the privilege of my calling lightly. That I guess is the point, being a pastor is not a job to me, not a career, this is my calling. I do not punch in and out, I don’t turn off being a pastor, it is my heart. So if wearing the collar makes my heart a little more available to others, if it makes me a little more accountable then it must be worth it. 30 days later I am convinced it is worth it.